PLAYS FOR SALE AND PERFORMING
B.Y.O.
It’s a high class restaurant. With a sign outside with three letters on it: B.Y.O. Meaning: Bring Your Own. Naturally this means very little to Hilda, who is having a bit of an emergency toilet situation and who never actually saw the sign. But it’s about to. Because those three ominous letters mean that to go to the toilet, she not only has to bring her own toilet paper, hand wash and hand towel and also her own money to pay to open the door into the toilet. Only…they don’t take cash. (It’s all card.) So, as she is in a bit of pickle, she has to pay. And then pay some more. And then some more. But after forking over hundreds of dollars, will Hilda actually get the relief she so desperately needs? A short comedy sketch about toiler paper.
http://offthewallplays.com/product/b-y-o-bring-your-own-short-comedy-sketch-about-toilet-paper/
THE WARHOL INSTITUTE FOR THE FORGOTTEN FAMOUS
They're all there and you should know them. Jacqueline, Lenny, Natasha and Marvin. With the pile of problems on the therapist's lap, you'd think she was dealing with a-list celebrities, you know " cause more money more problems" but this is a bunch who's list doesn't even exist. In, The Warhol Institute for the Forgotten Famous, Jacqueline is the resident troublemaker and is pretty good at her job. She has it in for the therapist and finds an ally in Lenny, the timid baby phoenix no one knows a thing about in this comedy about therapy.
Natasha has yet to come to terms with the fact that she isn't that great … at anything. It's a harsh pill to swallow but at least Jacqueline has them all covered in that regard. Then there's Marvin. Poor guy stands no chance what with him getting aroused from the strangest proclivity and his nemesis, Jacqueline, who never lets him forget how strange he is. You'd think this two-act comedy was about Jacqueline (born Barbara) or the self-discovery and healing of the foursome, at the guidance of the dutiful therapist but it's not. This is about not acknowledging who you've always been and paying the price for it.
NUNS
Bongs, chain smoking, liquor, sex tapes, blackmail, and a desire to change the system. No, it’s not college, it’s a convent! Three corrupt nuns use blackmail and foul play in an effort to change the patriarchy to which they have devoted their lives. With the use of an illicit sex tape starring none other than Mother Superior herself, the kinked chain of events begins to unfold. When you deal with the devil, be prepared to get burnt in this satirical comedy screenplay about nuns.
Nuns is a two act play about three rebellious Nuns and how they plot to overthrow the mother superior in order to establish smoking rights for themselves. The youngest, Sister Bernadette is being seduced into the cause by Sister Catharine and Sister Roza during one of their secret smoking sessions. They have a secret that they believe will bring the Mother superior to her knees.
To view a preview of this play or obtain a copy for a production, go to the following link.
http://offthewallplays.com/2013/02/06/nuns-a-two-act-satire
MOONBASE DELTA
A FULL LENGTH PLAY
After six months on the Moon Base Delta, Molly and Luke are looking forward to returning to Earth. There’s just one problem: a virus has found its way onto the base, resulting in symptoms that would be hilarious if they weren’t quite so serious. Oh, and there’s an asteroid headed towards Earth. And the Doctor seems hell bent on destroying humanity instead of saving it. Still, it’s nothing that a practical joker and a mathematician with a crunchy cereal fetish can’t handle…right? A space comedy
https://offthewallplays.com/product/moon-base-delta-a-space-comedy/
ALL A TWITTER
Jasmine and Kristie are texting each other on their phones with the latest juicy gossip when DUH DUH DUH!!! the network goes down. Horror of Horrors. What can they do? They’ve literally been rendered speechless. Enter Pompous Actor. He is going to help them, he thinks. Unfortunately they don’t understand a word he says. He tries again and again and eventually they ‘appear’ to understand what he is saying but unfortunately he actually has no clue. The more they gesticulate the more he buggers it up until the two are ‘no longer friends’ because she ‘clearly slept with your boyfriend!’ He decides there’s nothing more he can do for them other than take their phones away and break them when….
http://offthewallplays.com/product/all-a-twitter-comedy-about-people-on-their-phones/
CASH FOR CHRIST
So you want to find God? Connect with Jesus? Find that deeper meaning that’s missing in your life? Can we help? Of course we can! At the Church of self enlightenment and capitalistic no nonsense, we specialise in that special relationship with God. But before you sign up, you should know that it isn’t free. Finding God, that is. Eternal Salvation comes at a price. To be frank – we need to know if your budget can handle it.
Our basic package starts at $300 a month after the initial joining fee of a $1,000. If you want to be a member of the choir it’s $400 a month. A volunteer for the monthly cake raffle is $500. I know this may come as a surprise, but ask yourself, "Can you put a price on finding God? On turning down eternal salvation.” I didn’t think so. A satire about religion.
http://offthewallplays.com/product/cash-for-christ-satire-about-religion/
CASHLESS
When a customer comes to the store, and tries to pay using cash, the millenial cashier goes into a flat panic. Never before has anyone tried to pay with cash and to be honest, she doesn’t even know how to operate a cash register! She calls the Shop Assistant. She doesn’t know either. They both decide they can’t take the customer’s cash. Not because they don’t take cash but because they don’t know how to. But the customer isn’t taking no for answer. So they call management – their answer: If all else fails, KICK HIM OUT! So they try to call security – sadly it’s his day off! A comedy about paying cash in the modern day and age.
Winner of the peoples choice award for Crash Test Drama Cronulla 2019.
http://offthewallplays.com/product/cashless-ten-minute-comedy-about-paying-cash/
EMPTY PLACES OF THE HEART
Mike, 25 and Donna, 19, still live with Steve, their dad, a science teacher at the local high school with a reputation for blowing things up. Mike lives there because he worries that his father can’t be trusted to look after himself (and that he’ll end up blowing himself up) and Donna because all she wants to do is be in a metal band and live on the Dole. Today, things are about to change. It seems that Steve may have blown up the science lab for the last time and both Steve and Mike have met someone. A family comedy script about moving on.
THE FRANKENSTEIN FACTORY
Welcome to New Life Incorporated, also known as’ The Frankenstein Factory’ a company created to help dying patients get a new life. The process is simple. A Cloned body is grown, and when the time is right, the brain is transplanted into the body of the Clone. The creator of this breakthrough technique did so because he wanted to find a way to help people with terminal diseases stop suffering and have a chance at a new life. At New Life Inc, they never turn anyone away. Including today. But today, their new patient is a convicted killer, paedophile and rapist on death row. The question is – do they perform this procedure on him, knowing that in his new body he would walk free? Or do they let him die? A Sci-fi drama in one act.
LOST PROPERTY
Superman’s in a bit of a pickle. He went to the aid of a lady in distress, then to shower at the local train station afterwards and when he emerged, his clothes had disappeared. So he goes to the only place he can think of: LOST PROPERTY – where you can find all manner of weird unwanted items and bits of clothing that no one ever claims. But will they have his missing famous red cape and his blue tights? So, dressed unwillingly as Captain Underpants (because his boxer shorts are literally the only thing stopping him being arrested, as well as being the only thing he has left) Superman approaches the Lost Property counter. If it’s his lucky day, they’ll have his missing clothes and the person behind the counter will be beautiful, friendly and helpful (and a little smitten with superheroes). Sadly, it isn’t his lucky day. A comedy about Superman.
https://offthewallplays.com/product/lost-property-a-comedy-about-superman-who-has-lost-his-clothes/
TEA FOR TERROR
Welcome to the support group, Tea Totallers Anonymous, where recovering tea addicts can share their stories and relax in a calm friendly environment with other recovering tea addicts. They even have nice beers for everyone who attends. Today, it’s Rebecca’s first time and everyone is there to help because they know the first day is the worst. Especially round four o’clock. TEA TIME…… Luckily Sam and Tina are there to stop her making a terrible mistake and heading for the kitchen. Will they succeed, or will they have to drag her kicking and screaming away from the kettle? Or worse, will it escalate into violence? All for an Earl Grey and a chocolate biscuit. A comedy about tea addicts.
A SORDID AFFAIR
It’s reporter Nona Vent’s lucky day (well actually..) Today she gets to do an interview. The interview is with a mime who is a member of an interplanetary organization who believe speech is outmoded. The interplanetary organization is also a terrorist organization (of sorts) who plan and are making a series of statements to prove their point (that we should forgo speech and speak only in mime). In reality they go to a crowded venue, re-enact an explosion in mime and lay all over the place pretending to be disfigured body parts. Since the mime cannot (or won’t) speak, the journalist is forced to turn to a sound effects engineer who plays sound effects for the benefit of the audience. Things go awry when the mime shoots the sound engineer with a mimed gun and then guns down members of the audience. They all die dramatically (in mime). A very off the wall comedy with a mime.
https://offthewallplays.com/product/a-sordid-affair-ten-minute-off-the-wall-comedy-with-a-mime/
MORTALITY
Brenda, mother of four, is enjoying life. She lives with her four kids, all grown up, but not showing any signs of moving out yet. One night, her slightly eccentric neighbour, Celeste comes over bearing her Astrology charts. Celeste has a bit of a reputation for being able to predict the future, although the part about John coming into money and Pete meeting a nice girl have yet to come true.
For Brenda it’s a bit of fun, sitting down, playing with the charts and all having a few drinks together. But tonight Celeste gazes at the charts like normal, turns a bit pale and then informs Brenda that she’s going to die!
ANSWER THE QUESTION
In this modern world we are so used to giving out all of our information digitally, that we don’t even blink an eye. But in the actual physical world, what if that very same thing occurred? Why do we feel so differently when we provide our data to a machine as opposed to a person? When Tammy pops into the local shop for a soda she is confronted by Greg who wants to know everything about her. EVERYTHING. According to him it’s all because of government regulations from on high, part of their new policy. And until she provides said personal data, she won’t get that soda. Or get let out of the shop either! But does Greg actually know why he’s even asking these questions…? A Short comedy about personal data.
http://offthewallplays.com/product/answer-the-question-a-short-comedy-about-personal-data/
ALIEN HEAT
It’s just a normal day on the job for Black, a cop, chasing a suspect across the city. But when that suspect can literally run up and over the high wall she thinks she’s cornered him against, she realises something is special about the tiny man she is chasing and it is no normal day on the job!
Indeed, when she gets back to headquarters, the case has annoyingly been assigned to someone with ‘more authority,’ and she is this man’s new partner. And he is most definitely an alien, bent on hunting down and arresting the other type of alien terrorists or ‘flatbums’ as he calls them. They have just 72 hours to save planet earth before it is destroyed by a so called weapon the flatbums are building. But what is the weapon and where are they hiding it? Turns out the answers are in the local laundromat, if you just insert two dollars! A funny screenplay about saving planet earth.
http://offthewallplays.com/product/alien-heat-funny-screenplay-about-saving-planet-earth/
RESERVATION
Joe, a bank manager has a routine appointment with the director of a large company. Naturally the director’s office is at the top of the building (because that’s where all the important people like to be) and naturally he’d take the elevator/lift , because, who’d take the stairs all that way? So it comes as a surprise when he gets stopped by the lift operator because he hasn’t made an appointment to use the lift and then just as flabbergasted when he learns he has to pay a considerable sum of money just to ride it. People will charge for just about anything nowadays! Comedy sketch set in an elevator.
http://offthewallplays.com/product/reservation-a-comedy-sketch-set-in-an-elevator-lift/